Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Heyy everyone, i know i havent been blogging for quite some time. im sorry for that. i guess this is my first blog of the year.. hehe.. soo erm.. Happy Belated New Year to everyone~ goshh alot has happened throughout the weeks since i last posted a blog. Im not really going to talk about it coz its all in d past. i guess thats the last thing that i wanna talk about really..

I guess i outta start with today as it is a fresh week and also a fresh start for myself. I came to school quite early today since i had to drive to school. Went out of the car and saw calista and lilian as i was on the way to class. Before i went up, i had look at the duty list for this week. I managed to get single duty again.. goshh tats the 3rd week in a row. I guess i shouldnt mind since its giving me some space to breathe but i would prefer not to have it in a row. Class was alright... just tat i found out that i failed again for my history even when i put some effort into it. i guess a lil effort wont cut it anymore.. oh well.. recess was normal.. im the compound collector for this week. Goshh what am i talking about.. has my life been really dull till i can only talk about school? hm.. ill just drop this part n skip to another.

Well i reached home sometime in d afternoon after a somewhat normal day in school. I wasnt really in the best of mood but i pulled my chin up anyways.. I know and i realise that something is bothering me and its not for the first time. Death have crossed my minds countless of time perhaps because of the feelings of loneliness thats starting to overshadow my life. I also know for a fact that im not lonely at all since my friends are always around me. I feel a sense of relief everytime when i look at them with a cheerful smile. Atleast i know that they all are doing alright. I know being negative is the last thing a person should b and i always tell ppl to b positive but in fact im not really positive. It sounds like im a hypocrite.. and i admit, in a way i am. Eventhough i know that i am this way deep down, it doesnt stop me to smile and have fun with my friends.. believe me, im trying to b as positive as the next person. Its just tat my wound never healed. Just like a crippled person forcing himself to walk. I can barely think of my future then again to make things work in the present. All i have now is my faith to believe. I still believe in miricles and i still believe in everyone.

I know the passage above sounds a lil weird but ive just torn a page of my mind n paste it in my blog. well its not really a page but a paragraph of a page. Well im just gonna drop tat too. Gonna share with you all something more positive. I was thinking of songs that enlightened hearts that will definitely leave u on a high =) well ill post a few lyrics for you all later so that perhaps all you can experience a lil bit of love from these songs as valentine's day is comin up.

Hehe.. its is said that February is the month of love. It is also the month that i was borned. Im not trying to hint anything but February the 13th isnt so hard to remember rite? =P well how does it feel to receive ur first valentine's day card. I reckon everyone cant remember or never experienced it before like myself. I cant remember receiving a valentine personally from anybody as im not as lucky like others. Its flattering i guess but it also shows that there are ppl out there besides ur family tat actually takes a notice of u. =) I know you dont have to go all out just because of this day and you should know as well tat valentines day can be everyday just as long as u let that person know tat u love him/her. It doesnt matter if he or she is ur other half or ur best friend.. just let them know, i know i would appreaciate it when i receive tat saying sincerely. Hehe.. u dont really have to say it everyday but show it once in awhile. Hm.. i guess im starting to sound a lil corny but im just speaking out my mind.

To Believe

ive seen it all in my short time
experience feelings tats forbidden at first
i no longer need love
as i only wish to see my spouse to give birth

Life is interesting indeed
wondering the future that might be
im suffering each minute as i bleed
all i have now is to believe in me

I am falling which i wont deny
Hurting inside without the chance to heal
to feel this way i can only ask why
nothing that i see seems to be real

But not to worry because i believe
in U and my blessed friends
just as long as i give i will eventually receive
my life would end with bitter sweet memories

I leave now with a few words to say
eventhough time is no longer by my side
i wish you all to forever feel love
and so end my thoughts with one saying in line

LOVE IS PRECIOUS AS IT IS BITTER,
IT WILL COME TO YOU,
WHEN YOU BELIEVE IN IT...
SO NEVER STOP BELIEVING IN LOVE AND YOURSELF..




2:28 PM